Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Love: too pliable, too yielding

You found love; but why are there times that you can't freely breathe? You felt your love fading; he took your belief in love and handed them back to you, saying that he can't hold onto it forever. How does one say sorry, when you know that sorry can never be enough? It is damn near impossible to bring things back to the way they used to be; yet there are those who wish for them anyway.

Some goodbyes are final; this is one of them. Then you hear that sound: the sound of your heart breaking – the resonance is deafening, ringing to your ears, pounding on your chest. You left. You walk out of the door, for the dam is about to break. Your pace quickens. There it is… that other sound; the pieces… the pieces are beginning to crumble.

Quick! Be Quick! Hot tears… one step, two steps, three steps. You are running; running like you have never done before. You don't care where you are going. You just keep on running; you just need to get out of that place. You didn't bother to look what's around you. You can't be bothered to look.

It is raining; but you can't be sure if it is from the sky or simply on your head. You don't care. You run and run, like the devil was on your back catching up on you. You're at the edge of a forest and you stop. Now you can feel the hard rain falling on you face; and you cry. You are crying and unaware that you are. You are crying out all the sadness trapped inside of you. You are crying because the rain drowns your tears; you are howling for the wind blows them away. You can't feel the coldness in the air for you are much colder inside.

Nothing matters right now; there is only the anger, the sadness and the confusion clouding your heart. Soaking in the pouring rain, a hand touched your shoulder, making you twist your head and see who it is. "What's wrong?" your dearest friend says. He is soaking to the bones as you are. You wonder if he is always just a few steps behind; you don't know, for you never looked back. You did not care if he could see your tears; whether he heard your cries, it doesn't matter anymore. Nevertheless, he hugs you with all the warmth you'd ever need. "What's wrong?" he asks once more.

"Just hold me. Hold me," you say.

Then you realize out there in the pouring rain, clinging desperately to a friend, that love can be lost, but then it can be found again. All the ambiguities, all the complexities, all the pain of not knowing what went wrong are finally over. Despite of everything: home is here at last. You can have a life again.

No comments: