One who knows you the most and loves you just the same

I'm going to tickle your fancy. Did you ever have a best friend of the opposite sex? I'm going to thread on that topic. I've read somewhere that in hetero-sexual friendly relationships, one was bound to fall in love with the other; usually, it's the girl who first falls. This isn't something I am plucking out of experience, as I never really had a male best friend.

Consider this: Three young people, one girl and two boys, met when they started their secondary school. They have gone through a lot of ups and downs, triumphs and failure, laughter and sadness; each year they strengthened their bond. One of the boys, Charles, was considered a famous jock in school; Christine, the only girl, was always on the top of the class; Gene, on the other hand, was your regular teenager – average grades, part of the school team, and lets-see-what-happens attitude.

Prom night is looming and all three of them don't have dates. You would think that one of the boys was bound to ask Christine out, but none did – they were both too daft to notice that she was actually a girl. Charles was mooning over some girl and he can't muster to ask. Gene simply can't go near a girl and more so even to ask her. Two days before and they still have no dates; Gene tried to resolve the situation by saying that he’ll go with Christine and Charles could go with Gene's sister, who had a huge crush on him. Sadly this didn't work out as the two girls already had dates. The eventful night came and Charles was floored to see Christine so beautiful that night; Gene, actually didn’t noticed her right away and was too caught up with his anger at her date.

So who do you think likes Christine? Gene. But let me give you something to mess things up. One summer, Gene and Christine spend so much time together and nothing happened. Charles later joined them and was furious that the two had been together without him. When school started, Katie, Charles's crush began flirting with him. Christine helped Charles in understanding the woman's psyche by telling him to ask Katie out for a date after the poor girl initiated a peck. On that date, Charles got a call from Christine and he left Katie to rush to his friend to give help. So who does Charles like now?

Messy isn't it? Aren't these young people in such a sticky situation? It's all up to Christine isn't it? She and Gene were always bickering and other people could sense the underlying sexual tension between them, but could it hold a relationship together. On the other hand, she had grown closer to Charles that he could sometimes hear her voice in his head.

So whom does Hermione love? Oops, I slipped in there, didn't I? Okay, this isn't really something that requires some intellectual penetration and emotional depths. Oh, if you didn't get what I meant, I'd say you're a recluse – haven't seen a movie in the past five years, haven't visited a library or a bookshop, haven't read the papers, or there's no electricity in your place (then how come you're reading this?).

I'm dying! I'm dying to know what will happen next. Fifty-one days to go and the next book will come out. Security is so tight in printing of the latest book (they should get those guards to man the prisons in the Philippines). People are even betting who's the character to die next (yes, people do die in these books). I'm going to be a spoilsport in here; if you've seen Prisoner of Azkaban, that Sirius Black guy (played by Gary Oldman) is going to snuff it. Evil me?

Friendship is a single soul dwelling in two bodies. – Aristotle

I rant, therefore I am

I read a card the other day that said: 'Don't count your age, but count your friends' (or something to that effect). Okay, it was a card for friend that was celebrating a birthday and I signed in. Those words actually made me think deeply and count my friends. I came up with just a handful of true blue 'best' friends. Does that mean that I haven't really lived my life at all? Wasn't I friendly enough?

Maybe they are not much, but they truly are the best among the bunch. Different personalities, convictions, morals, religions – they are the Motley Crue. No, they don't know each other, because they all came from different groups I have met as I go along this path in life.

I've got those whom I have met in my toddler years and we are still in touch with each other. They have seen me without a chest, in my undies, running in the rain, and with those icky hairstyles. We grew up together, had our crushes together, shared our dreams together, and fell in love together. First, there was the three of us; from age three to until age 9. Then, we became five from age 9 until now. We went our separate ways when it was time to enter our college years (I got out first, since we move to Palawan when I was on my third year in high school); five girls, five different courses (Nursing, Medicine, Zoology, Metallurgy, and Comp Science), and five different universities (Holy Trinity, UST, UP Los Baños, UP Diliman, and DLSU); just imagine how we got together during school breaks. Now, we are spread in four countries: US, UK, Singapore and the good old beloved Philippines. I were hoping that we would to see each other again when the doctor who's working in London gets married next year.

I earned friends when we moved to Palawan but the last time I saw them all was at out high school graduation. I hang around a bunch of Filipino-Chinese girls when I was in the university but we said our goodbyes, too, after the graduation ceremony. Then, I joined the work force and that was when I met friends at my prime years (still on it). They have seen me struggling – trying to make a name for myself – carving a niche that was all my own. They have seen me at my worst and also witnessed my triumphs. These are the people who are now at my side, some I have left in my old jobs and some I am working with now.

Friends had come and gone, but I'll cherish them all forever. As for those who have stayed, receive my hugs filled with warmth together with a whispered 'thank you'. For those celebrating their birthdays in the next few days:

Thank you for filling my world with laughter and happiness
Thank you for being there in my sorrow and tribulations
Thank you for sharing a bit of your life with me and taking a bit of my life with you
Thank you for the blessing of friendship
Thank you for just being there.

Friendship needs no words – it is solitude delivered from the anguish of loneliness. – Dag Hammarskjold

Face the thing you fear the most

Have you seen the third Harry Potter movie (Prisoner of Azkaban) shown last year? No, I'm not going to make some movie review. There is this creature introduced in this film, a boggart. You may ask, now what is a boggart? It is a shape shifter that prefers to live in dark, confined spaces, taking the form of the thing most feared by the person it encounters. So, when Ron stepped forward to face the boggart it changed into a giant spider (more like Shelob if you watched Lord of the Rings or Aragog in Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets); he fears those creepy little buggers the most. The only way to rid of this thing is to think of a silly thing to make you laugh and say the spell Riddikulus.

Let's consider this possibility then – just as hypothetical – that boggarts live in our world. What would your boggart turn into? I feel like Boy Abunda in here saying: "Nan d’yan sa harap mo ngayon ang salamin, sabihin mo sa akin kung ano ang nakikita mo." As for me, I am not sure really what it would look like, because as time may go by it may show something else all together, for the one thing I fear the most is failure. Just like Hermione, for we have the same fear.

Failure. Whenever I would fall short of what was expected from me. Whenever I would feel insufficient. Whenever my strength or effectiveness declines. Whenever I cease to properly function or perform. Becoming insignificant and useless.

I face my fear every single day. And everyday I stared at it and think of a happy thought and do something to make me more useful, significant, sufficient and effective – preventing myself from being an utter disappointment.

So what is your boggart? Can you look at it straight through your eyes and cry out Riddikulus?

Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear. – Mark Twain

Search not to find things too deeply hidden

I was checking my friendster account today, and this thing captured my interest: Popular searches in my network. What does it mean? Where do they get this info? How do they gather data to come up with such list? Could all of them come from the set of friends I have – 30 of them? Or does it include the friends of my friends and their friends?

Anyways, let's get a low down:

1. Filipina babes. We are an awfully hot lot, aren't we? Pinays belong to the top stop. Or could it be that the morals of some Filipino girls have gone loose that pictures and videos of them butt-naked have proliferated in the net. Sex Bomb Girls, Viva Hot Babes, 'D Bodies, anyone? 'Ang bango-bango ng bulaklak'… 'Wag d'yan may kiliti ako d'yan…'

2. Clubbing Clothes. Next to men (I suppose it’s the men who searches for those hot pinays), it’s the women who were searching for outfits best worn for clubbing. So now, it’s the ordinary plain Jane who wants to were hot pants and skimpy tops like those Filipina babes.

3. Body Language Flirting. Okay, now you got the dress to catch glances at that dimly lit pub, you have got to learn to talk the talk and walk the walk, and so you search how to flirt. I guess everything boils down to body language.

4. Sunshine Cruz video. This is another hot Filipina chick! We really are so much in demand, aren't we? Is this the Dukot Queen shoot that Cesar, her husband, bought from the producers so it wouldn't be shown in the theaters? I've seen that one; she's with Jay Manalo. I guess, all the efforts Cesar did went for naught.

5. True Love Quiz. So now we're done with clubbing and ogling sexy bare naked girls, and were off to look for love. Is s/he the right one for me? Do our planets, moons, stars, asteroids, comets, and whatever-it-is-that-floats-in-the-galaxy meet or jibe? Does he love me? Am I in love with an illusion? Oh, a lot of people are, believe me.

6. Piolo Pascual video. After a hot pinay video, now comes a hot pinoy. This one I would gladly like to see. I think this is the one that was taken using a phone camera; this type of videos have spread widely all over the Philippine islands. I guess we can all blame it to the voyeuristic tendencies of man (take note: this encompasses all). But this was shot down by Ogie Diaz of ETK; he said that it wasn't Piolo because he know Piolo's navel very well.

7. Mazda RX-9. After raunchy videos, they look for cars? I get it! Good looking cars are such babe magnets. You've got the clubbing clothes, you can flirt with anyone, now you need the ride to take them for a 'ride'.

8. Handsome Filipino Men. Why is there a need to put the word 'handsome' in there? In Filipina babes, they don't say there beautiful, or sexy or hot. I guess to narrow down the search to young handsome brown-skinned men? Like, let's say The Hunks or now known as the Sons of the Beach (Bora)? By the way, did you know that Piolo Pascual was part of that group?

9. Cute Japanese Ladies. Next to hot pinays are our Japanese neighbors. Why cute? Are they looking for girls that resemble those in Japanese manga comics? They've got shaped, sexy eye brows, doe-eyes, long nose, thin and cute lips, thin waists, wide hips and big breasts.

10. Free Japan AV movie. Okay, this one I know nothing about. Are they similar to sex scandal videos or are they anywhere near that Taiwan noon romp? Or they could simply be copies of episodes of Voltes V, Shaider or Transformers.

Crash and Burn

I am going to breakdown soon. Any time, any day… soon. My body felt heavy and I'm like walking in a sluggish motion and my head like its ready to pop. I've said that I've got a cluttered mind, and it seemed that everything is getting out of hand. I've got this urges that I can't cope up with.

I want to read. Read. Read. Read. I want to write. Write. Write. Write. Now back to reading and some more reading. Writing and more writing. Badminton. Reading. Writing. Badminton. Oh – I almost forgot – I do work too, and spend some time with my kid and husband. Now you know why sometimes my head is in the gutter.

I've bought books now that I haven't touched yet, for I don't have the time. "The Human Stain" that book I mentioned weeks ago, I've put it down then and haven't picked it up since; I only got through the second chapter and haven't finish it yet. Now, I'm reading "The Soddit", a paradory of "The Hobbit" by J.R.R. Tolkien, for a bit of light reading. Then there's little book I've been carrying with me around that I open up once in a while. On top of that, I read fan fictions – if you know nothing about it, don't be afraid to ask me. If only I got paid for every word that I have read, I'd be filthy rich by now!

So, which one must I do first? Read or write. Write or Read. I felt like I'm Gollum in Two Towers. Oh, I forgot! Better get back to work then and after that play badminton.

Little Things

I will try to redeem myself a bit here, because I know that the day will come when my son will learn to read, use the computer and surf the net. One day he will read what I have written and he'll never forgive me with what I wrote on my previous post. I'll just smile to him, of course, when that day arrives, smugly as an all-knowing mom. Aside from trying to make up for that circumcision thing, I want these things to not just simply be remembered but forever be etched in the web world (unless the server goes down and erases everything, I'll have to find another blogging site soon) so that one day, he'll get to read them and know the things he had done when he was just a tyke.

Here are the little things that made me love being a mom to this little boy we fondly call Josh. The one boy who bursts with the energy of two little boys combined. The spitting image of his father but got my eyes.

1. Mommy wake-up. Those are the two words I usually here every morning after a soft kiss on the cheek. He sleeps in his own room and normally gets-up before everyone else. Once he gets off his bed, he’ll come running to our room and nuzzle in between my husband and me.

2. Wet hugs. He would always insist that I would give him a bath every weekend or whenever I'm at home and not working. He'll give me wet tight hugs before I towel him of.

3. Where's the Mommy? We were all going out the other day, he and his Dad got to the lift first before I did and so the door closed before I got to them. Those where the words he asked my husband. Grammatically wrong, but who cares? The day will come when I would grill him for that slip of but for now, I'll cherish it.

4. Sweet kisses and tight hugs. Josh is one amorous baby. Every time when I arrive home from work, I'll get those lip-smacking kisses and neck-breaking hugs.

5. Dances for Mom. He's a good dancer; I'm not saying this because I'm his mother, but because I can see from his moves that he's got the groove. Whenever he hears a danceable song, he'll call my attention and start moving.

6. Mickey or Mommy? He watches his favorite cartoons in the morning as I prepare myself to work. And every time when on my way out, he's torn between his TV and me because he wants to watch and at the same time to go with me to the bus stop. I win all the time, 'cause he sees me off to work (I guess, Mickey could wait). I'll treasure it for now, because the day will come when I have to pry him away from that tube.

7. Tease. My boys love to tease me. It was quite a sight seeing two people laughing at your expense. What's even more bothering was that they look the same, one big and one his diminutive double.

The list could go on, but for now I'll leave it as it is.

Crazy assumption

A few days ago, my husband and I were walking to our condo from the MRT station. One young man walked pass us with a limp, kind of dragging his left leg and clutching the front of his shorts. My husband asked me 'Ano yun bagong tule?' I replied with a shrug, 'Siguro.' But then, I remembered that it's not widely practiced here in Singapore, not like in the Philippines that teenage boys must go through that passage to manhood, or else you'd be called 'supot' for life.

Here in Singapore (and I'm basing this from a friend's ordeal, for his son, of course), you've got to schedule such minor operation about three months beforehand, aside from the fact that you have got to find a doctor who does it. Unlike back home, you can find signs in any clinic scattered all over the islands saying 'Summer Offer: Free Circumcision' or there's a funny one '50 Pesos – Tule; 35 Pesos – Gupit' (for just 85 pesoses tuli ka na, may bagong haircut pa). To top it off such operation done here in 'gapor would cost you around $700-800, pretty high compared to free offers 'onli in the Filipines'. And come to think of it in other provinces, boys would only line-up under the heat of the sun one summer day, munching guava leaves under the mango tree perched near a river, where Mang Inggo is waiting with his sharpened bolo. Ouch!

For more information on this topic try this one. One site even mentioned that circumcision alters the sexual performance, I can't comment on this one, though. Some don't see the merits of taking out the foreskin and saw it only as a religious practice. I have a son, but the decision for him to get the cut has already been done, though we still have a long wait for that. I'm pretty sure we're not going to do it out of piety – showing religious devotion and reverence to God – nor for medical reasons, because some of them were not really proven, but for hygienic reasons (ayokong matawag na kupal ang anak ko) and of course, it is a rite of passage to manhood. I’d rather have him go through that little pain than have him curse me to high heavens when his friends would call him 'Supot'.

The dark force grows, Anakin…

Be wary of your feelings…

The final film is here! Yes! Yes! Yes! Episode III: Revenge of the Sith will be released on May 19. Okay, I am a Star Wars fan but I am no junkie, Lord of the Rings or Harry Potter junkie maybe, but definitely not a Star Wars junkie. But still, as any good old movie lover, who wouldn't like this Sci-fi fic? I guess because I was raised in this era, flying X-wing fighter planes, swords of different colors that don't have those click-clanking sounds, and a villain who was the height of cool wearing all black and had an asthmatic breathing. I remember the days, back when my Dad brought us to the movie house to watch episodes 4, 5 and 6, I hate the rolling text at the beginning because I can’t follow it, and it scrolls too fast for my little mind. I liked Princess Leia because she's so feisty; she's got spunk, an all-woman liberation front. And she’s got a great taste in fashion, who wouldn't love that gold two-piece thing? But please not those 'bagel ensaymada buns' hairstyle, heaven forbid!

And so, I anxiously waited for the merchandise to flood all over the Singapore island. Though, I was a bit surprise that it was Baleno that got the franchise to distribute the t-shirts. What happened, Bossini, things got a bit out of hand? How come there's no black t-shirt with Darth Vader's headshot? M1 got one, but you have to buy a new phone, which I am not going to do anytime soon, because, well, I want the O2 Xda II and I need to start scrimping for it.

I love dark chocolates and was quite happy that there are now dark M&M chocolates. Have you seen the M&M's wrappers? They are quite a riot and damn too funny, this is one movie-brand product tie-up I like. My good friend, April, and I enjoyed picking which one to buy because each wrapper is different and the lines are funny. There's the "I sense much hunger in you", "Luke, I am your peanut", "Don’t eat me: I am you apprentice" and my all-time favorite, "We're bald, and we’re bad". For the complete list, here's the place to visit. Check out the M&M’s website, it is way cool; you can download wallpapers and screensavers. Am I being dorky, now?



Why is Darth Vader such a lovable villain? Was it because he was such an enigmatic character? I guess we all fell in love with the journey of the young Anakin Skywalker. 'I sensed so much fear in you. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, and hate leads to suffering.' Those were the wise words of Yoda to the young boy in front of the Jedi council; they so much summed up everything that he will come to be. Such wise old guy, that Yoda is – green, mean, pretending to be weak butt-kicking machine. We all fell in love with this poor boy who had a knack for pod racing and maker of C3PO. We got giddy when he asked Padmé if she was an angel, never even bothered that they have a 7 or 8 years difference. Oh, we all know that one scene in Episode II at the fields was a bit cheesy, but they look good together. Well, Natalie Portman Padmé was pretty hot, isn't she? Any hot-blooded male would fall for her, even if you were a Padawan, a Jedi apprentice. We all know that Jedis can't marry (didn't you know that? Now you know), yet still Anakin did. One reason they start training them young, probably at the age of three, was because a Jedi must stay a virgin, maybe because if they lost their virginity, they won't be able to wield their lightsaber anymore (pardon the pun). Well, we all know Anakin put that lightsaber to good use, because he had twins. His journey to the dark side started in Phantom Menace and further got closer to is in the Attack of the Clone, now I'm looking forward to how he finally gave in and succumb to the quagmire of hate the was slowly eating up his being.

Another tidbit, have you ever wondered where I got the name for my little boy? Attack of the Clones was released on the same year he was born, and the young man, Hayden Christensen, who would be the teen-age Anakin, was already announced. Need I say more? Oh, and Josh Hartnett seemed pretty hot that time with Pearl Harbor and Black Hawk Down.

Motherhood: All love begins and ends there

Here's my early Mother's Day piece. I was watching an episode of the Oprah Winfrey show a few weeks ago and heard Celine Dion sang this song, and it truly tugged my very soul. It is titled A Mother’s Prayer, an off-shoot of the prayer popularized by Josh Groban (I'm not sure which was the original, they're David Fosters')

I pray you'll be my eyes
And watch her where she goes
And help her to be wise
Help me to let go

Every mother's prayer
Every child knows
Lead her to a place
Guide her with your grace
To a place where she'll be safe

I pray she finds your light
And holds it in her heart
As darkness falls each night
Remind her where you are

It is truly heartrending and speaks of what's in every mother's thoughts. We all want our children to be looked after at all times. We don't want our kids to go through so many hardships, yet we know deep inside that in suffering can they only learn. Our thoughts and hearts are always filled with apprehensions, dreams, aspirations, confusions, and fears – different emotions as many as the colors a prism could reveal.

I can still vividly recall every single moment that day when I gave birth to my little devil angel, and even though the years would go by and my hair will all turn white and my memory will begin to fail me, those moments will forever be etched in my mind – like all mothers do. I have a short threshold for pain, so I will forever be thankful to the wonder that is the epidural. I admire those women who were able to withstand the agonizing minutes or hours of trying to pop those little kids out, without any pain relievers.

And so, I wear those stretch marks like a badge of honor, forget about those days of having a flat belly because they're gone and ran off with the circus – unless, of course, you could afford the ten sessions offered by Marie France to look like Christy Cheung. Yes, that's her smiling smugly on the webpage. Damn her for making it look so easy to go back to the pre-pregnancy figure, fooling our husbands into coaxing us to aspire for that as well. If only they have the money to pay for it, why not? I wouldn't mind. (How 'bout that, Mary?)

Hugs and kisses to all sexy and alluring mothers from another hot Mama.