Can I take a bath without getting wet?

Ever heard of a tale wherein the moral of the story was to make sure you take a bath everyday? I haven’t come across any, even from the famous Aesop’s fables. Well, then I finally read one and would like to share it with you. You’ve heard of it in your younger years, probably even saw the made-for-TV adaptations or if you’re lucky a film. It is Jack and the Beanstalk. What? You may say: Where in freakin’ hell does taking bath figure out in this story? Bear with me and let Roald Dahl tell you about it.

It’s the same thing: Jack and his mother were broke; he sold the cow for one lousy bean; his mom couldn’t believe his stupidity, so she threw the bean out on the rubbish-dump and beat him with the handle of a vacuum-cleaner. The following day – well, you know what happened to the bean – it grew so tall.

Young Jack cried, 'Mum, admit it now!
'It's better than a rotten cow!'
The mother said, 'You lunatic!
'Where are the beans that I can pick?
'There's not one bean! It's bare as bare!'
'No no!' cried Jack. 'You look up there!
'Look very high and you'll behold
'Each single leaf is solid gold!'
By gollikins, the boy was right!

So the mother told her son to climb up and cut of the leaves. Jack went up almost all the way to the top, stops when…

A ghastly frightening thing occurred –
Not far above his head he heard
A big deep voice, a rumbling thing
That made the very heavens ring.
It shouted loud, 'FEE FI FOFUM
'I SMELL THE BLOOD OF AN ENGLISHMAN!'
Jack was frightened, Jack was quick,
And down he climbed in half a tick.

Do giants really say such non-sense (FEE FI FOFUM)? Crazy Grimm Brothers! His mom nagged him that it was no wonder that the giant smelled him, as he never bathes and stinks big time. So the mother decided that she should got up instead; however, not long after, Jack heard a frightful crunching sound and the giant muttering, “'By gosh, that tasted very nice. Although, I wish there weren't so many bones.”

He murmured softly, 'Golly-gosh,
'I guess I'll have to take a wash
'If I am going to climb this tree
'Without the Giant smelling me.
'In fact, a bath's my only hope...
He rushed indoors and grabbed the soap
He scrubbed his body everywhere.
He even washed and rinsed his hair.
He did his teeth, he blew his nose
And went out smelling like a rose
Once more he climbed the mighty bean.

The giant did not smell him at all. After a few gathering of golden leaves upon the boughs, he was an instant millionaire.

'A bath,' he said, 'does seem to pay.
'I'm going to have one every day.'

I’ll tell my son of this story this way, not the classic one, as this one tells more of a concrete lesson.