Rose-colored Glasses

I have loved you for years – years when my young heart knew nothing of what it was like to love. I worshipped the ground you walked on; waited on passages you daily trod upon. I knew all about you and anything that you would be interested in.

Not that you don’t know me, for I am your best friend’s sister – yes, the younger one. You know how much I adore you – hell! everybody knows. Yet here I am, unabashed, still longing and pining for you. Three years after you saw me ran after the train you boarded, you still see me as that little girl. I am of age – of age to be asked to the dance, yet you chose to be slammed and rejected by another beautiful girl. I was there, waiting, hoping for you to look my way and take me up as some consolation; however, you didn’t. My over-protective brother even suggested that you take me, but still you didn’t. Was it because I am like a child – always at a lost for words – whenever you are near?

A year has passed since then, and I have changed. I am no longer the bumbling, tongue-tied little girl. I changed, which I hoped for the better, simply to let you go; to be who I really am, and maybe then and only then could you finally see me. I’ve dated other guys, talked whenever you were around – even hollered at you for being a prat – and tried to be the best in whatever field I joined in; but still there you were drooling over some other pretty girl and I was left still hoping.

Another year and my time had come; it has to be, for I could feel it in the air, I could see it in your glances and invites. You finally had taken notice of me, but why must it be at the most inappropriate time – at a time when I am spoken for? Heavens be damned! Why must this happen to me?

I saw you clenched your jaw when you chanced upon us kissing at a deserted hallway, and you didn’t know how I felt for your pain. The fates have been playing with us, but then again they’re still on our side, for a few months later I broke up with him. No, you didn’t rush to my side to sweep me off my feet right away; you are a man of honour anyway. You took your time; you gave me space and the time needed to heal – short as it may be, yet you gave me time.

I can still recall every minute details of what happened that momentous day – that day when you finally kissed me amidst the cheers of people we love. A single moment locked in memory that lasted for like a thousand sunny days, like springtime in November, or snowflakes in summer. Each minute, hour, day or week spent with you had been the joyous moments in my life. And then it had to end.

The saddest day for us all had been the most heart-wrenching day for me. You have to go on a journey – a passage, which you think I can’t face and I agreed. Why must you say that the weeks we had together felt like a life that wasn’t yours? I was saddened to hear that, but then maybe you were right. You were happy for once, yet removed from it all. I thought I am the one who could bring forth a sudden change in your life. Maybe you didn’t need any change. You said your goodbye, forlorn, and resolved at facing the danger up ahead.

So here I am bidding you my farewell. I will wait but I can’t promise you forever.